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MLB – Power Rankings

Yeah, still the Cubs.

The rankings (records through Wednesday):


1. Chicago Cubs (7-1; Previous: 1) – While excavating for new clubhouse, Cubs thrilled to discover that century they lost a few years back.


2. Baltimore Orioles (7-1; Previous: 19) – Why baseball is a better sport than basketball: No one has breathed the notion the Orioles might be better without Adam Jones.


3. Washington Nationals (6-1; Previous: 4) – Herbert Hoover becomes sixth racing president, Nats to wear black on Thursdays.

San Francisco

4. San Francisco Giants (6-3; Previous: 8) – Giants extend Belt. Sandoval wonders why he didn’t think of that.

Kansas City

5. Kansas City Royals (6-2; Previous: 9) – Hosmer wins World Series, saves little girls, calls out Batman.


6. Chicago White Sox (6-2; Previous: 15) – They’re hangin’ with Chance the Rapper, which seems cool. Might be a little much, however, to have Reinsdorf in the gold teeth grillz.


7. Detroit Tigers (5-2; Previous: 18) – IndyCar driver bounces ceremonial pitch. First two innings played under yellow flag.

St. Louis

8. St. Louis Cardinals (4-4; Previous: 2) – Paul McCartney excited to play Busch Field this summer. Always kills in St. Louis with “I Saw Herr Standing There.”

New York

9. New York Yankees (4-3; Previous: 14) – Dbacks win in Fan Cost Index again. Yankees lead in weird costumed people mocking their ticket policies. That’s a tie.


10. Pittsburgh Pirates (5-4; Previous: 10) – Cervelli dispenses love advice between innings at PNC Park, says breaking up is much more difficult under new slide rule.


11. Cincinnati Reds (5-3; Previous: 26) – As tanks go, Reds so far seem to favor the M1A2 Abrams, which has reactive armor and cup holders and other cool stuff.


12. Texas Rangers (5-5; Previous: 13) – Choo, Chirinos to DL. Those are the ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.

Los Angeles

13. Los Angeles Dodgers (5-4; Previous: 6) – All this talk about slide rules has front office a little nostalgic.


14. Toronto Blue Jays (4-5; Previous: 11) – Jays love their new dirt infield, wonder if they could grow grass on this stuff.


15. Houston Astros (3-6; Previous: 7) – Tyler White is AL’s first player of the week, because now the Astros get all the good players.

New York

16. New York Mets (3-5; Previous: 3) – If Cespedes isn’t going to hit in New York he’s gonna need a much faster car.


17. Boston Red Sox (4-4; Previous: 5) – So, Red Sox grounds crew made infield smaller at Fenway Park. Either that or they made Pedroia bigger.

Los Angeles

18. Los Angeles Angels (85-77; Previous: 20) – Joe Smith beats Steph Curry in P-I-G, which probably will not jinx Warriors in playoffs. Not at all.


19. Arizona Diamondbacks (3-6; Previous: 12) – We like the new alternative uniforms, but seems unfair management makes players come straight from coal miner day jobs.

Tampa Bay

20. Tampa Bay Rays (3-5; Previous: 16) – Rays hitters using new virtual reality training. Set control to “Real Ballpark.”


21. Cleveland Indians (3-3; Previous: 17) – Indians already gearing up for draft. Crossing fingers, thinking quarterback.


22. Miami Marlins (3-4; Previous: 23) – Bonds says A-Rod won’t get home run record in two years and that conversation is a black hole you do not want to get sucked into.


23. Colorado Rockies (4-4; Previous: 28) – In spite of apparent flaws, Rockies do have interesting back-back-back Story.


24. Oakland Athletics (4-6; Previous: 24) – A’s forced to fly on Giants plane, find all kinds of change under seat cushions.


25. Milwaukee Brewers (4-4; Previous: 27) – Wily Peralta is 0-2 and now he has too many L’s.

San Diego

26. San Diego Padres (3-6; Previous: 25) – Just wanted their bats to look new for Colorado.


27. Seattle Mariners (3-6; Previous: 21) – Reliever Tony Zych is last alphabetically in major league history. That’s gotta be worth something, right?


28. Philadelphia Phillies (4-5; Previous: 30) – New strategy is to start at the Sam Hinkie letter and work backwards.


29. Minnesota Twins (0-8; Previous: 22) – Twins play the Braves four times this summer. So.


30. Atlanta Braves (0-8; Previous: 29) – Yeah, well, at least they didn’t quadruple bogey the 12th.

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